How Not To Travel The World

How Not To Travel The World
Photo credit: Flickr / The Library of Congress

 

You are living in the real world, with a real job, why on earth would you want to travel? Why would you possibly want to expand your horizons, meet new people and experience a new world while at the same time finding your own world?

You are quite happy with a life where you go to work every day to a job you don’t like, spending everyday wishing it was the weekend. You certainly don’t want to find a way to travel the world and most definitely don’t want to find a job you love to wake up to every morning.

If you follow these steps to the letter, that dream of yours will come true. You will never travel the world, never find your dreams and definitely will not have a life you love.

 

Get a mortgage

To properly be a part of society, you have to have to noose of a mortgage around your neck, otherwise you won’t have security when you stop working. Then if you don’t have that mortgage, no matter how much it is eating up your lifestyle and slowly choking the life out of your dreams, you will end up in a nursing home or lying in a gutter somewhere.

Waiting until you have enough money to pay off a sizeable amount upfront or not getting a mortgage at all is just not an option for you, because that’s not living in the real world. Ideas such as house sitting around the world for a rent free option while saving up for a house just doesn’t comprehend.

 

Have more than one credit card

It is a right, not a privilege to have a credit card. They were made for a reason, and you can always pay back the money on a purchase that you didn’t really need later. The interest isn’t that bad and you were planning on living the rest of your life in a downward spiral fighting the never ending debt battle anyway.

Reward cards and coupon cutting or waiting until you can actually afford to pay for the item in cash, is for nerds and losers.

 

Book tours and packages through travel agents

Those pretty packages look just right for me and $10,000 for a couple of weeks in Europe is a really good deal. If we were meant to travel cheaply they would have advertised it. If they didn’t advertise it, then it’s obvious that it’s just a scam, a cheap way to bring in people and steal their hard earned money.

Why try and find a possibility of being scammed when you can go up to the big professionals and get ripped of that much faster.

That’s why no one has ever heard of WWOOF and CouchSurfing and global exchanges are just a strange new fad like Twatter, or something.

 

Get a Real Job

You need a full time job so you can buy everything that goes with having a full time job in the real world. That boat, nights out house, clothes all that stuff that you have to have now that you work full time.

You have to get those things, wearing the same outfit five different ways is just not the way to go, everyone will start laughing at you behind your back.

Actually finding a way to do what you love everyday and get paid for it, well it just doesn’t make sense and no does that.

 

Buy a brand new car when your old one is fine

Your neighbours just got a new car the other day and you have to keep up with them, otherwise what will the neighbours think. You can’t let them think your poor – so when the repo men come and you are now out of a house and home they will be really surprised.

Used cars, and cheap models really aren’t suitable for you and really public transport is for losers.

 

Go out every night drinking your wage

You don’t want to be a party popper and you don’t spend that much drinking, it’s only five, no six rounds that you bought, and the chips and munchies that you bought to go with the drinks don’t count.

No one stays at home, invites a couple of friends over for dinner as they all bring their own drinks. They definitely don’t have a better time in such a nice setting where the conversation can be heard and understood. No one does that.

 

Buy your lunch everyday

Coffee is the only thing that keeps you alive, and there is no way that anyone actually brings their own food to the office or your store. That would be such a strange thing to do, that’s why there’s no such thing as fridges, microwaves and mini stoves in those lunch rooms. Or even cutlery and cups.

 

Have the belief that only rich people travel

You can’t travel the world, you have no money and everything you see on TV is just so expensive. A thousand dollars for a flight and two nights of accommodation, you will never be able to travel.

That’s why they have no such thing as backpacker’s hotels, hostels and cute, cheap little B&B’s all over the world. Not to mention why they definitely don’t have work for your accommodation programs in a lot of places. That’s also why there are only five star hotels all around the world.

There’s also no such thing as happy hours for cheap flights either.

 

You just can’t manage that trip around the world, you can’t travel all the time, it’s just not living in the real world. No one in the real world travels all the time, it’s just not done. Why would you want to travel around the world leaving the real world and it’s real job mantra anyway?

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